Still waiting...

Yes, still waiting to m/c properly. It's the "life is on hold" of it all that gets me. I couldn't be less pregnant if I tried. I am the complete opposite of pregnant. There is no potential at the moment and nothing I can do about it but wait. I suppose I should be grateful that I "tend" to m/c naturally and fairly painlessly - certainly most women have probably had period pains worse than what I'll get, but it's a small comfort. A bit of drama would at least make me feel more worthy of wallowing in gloom. Things are beginning to happen though, so I must just be patient, and keep a "padwatch" going - soaking more than a pad an hour and it's off to casualty for me - unlikely though!

I do tend to approach life with a "there are lots of people with bigger problems than yours" sort of perspective, and there have been many occasions over the last few weeks when I have realised that this suffering is nothing compared to that which I know about. From the close to home - the death on Sunday morning of our vicar's father, to tragedies such as the Twin Cities bridge, and the ever-enduring agony of the McCann family. I haven't felt able to cry this time, as I have so many wonderful people in my life, not least E and M, and it would seem cheap.

When I'm with my family I am fine, but when I am at work I could curl up sometimes. I know (hope?) this agony is only temporary. Soon we will be able to move on, and we have managed it once. I know that for me, a successful pregnancy cancels out the agony of trying and failing, even though it is necessarily an excruciatingly anxious time. It is not like that for everyone, and I don't believe that my experiences of early miscarriage can compare with some of the awful tragedies that mothers suffer in the pursuit of a baby.

But! There's always some good news, and this week's good news is that my brother-in-law and his girlfiriend are getting married! They have been together longer than E and me, so about time! They are coming down on Thursday and we are going out for a meal to celebrate. What with that, a V1rgin Vie party on Wednesday and another trip to the Island on Friday, things are looking up.